Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Review of a Food You Can Buy at Trader Joe's: Candy Cane Joe Joes

When I'm ready to pay and leave Trader Joe's, I don't choose my lane based on the apparent speed and efficiency of the checkout clerk. I pick the one with the best free samples. And Trader Joe's does samples right. They don't give you a little sliver of a cookie, they just open a whole pacakge and let you have your way with it.

Let me preface my review by saying I'm just as much of a "Hey Christmas GTFO It's Not Thanksgiving Yet" person as you are. We need to celebrate one holiday at a time, blah blah blah. But when I was presented with a free Candy Cane Joe Joe at checkout, I forgot about my principles. Oreo cookie with candy cane IN IT! Put it in my mouth!

The peppermint chunks are small but potent. Eating a handful of candy cane Joe Joes is like having Oreos and brushing your teeth at the same time. You're left with a pleasant peppermint aftertaste and cookie crumbs in your gumline.

As I ate that first Candy Cane Joe, I actually heard the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack cue up. I heard sleigh bells, I felt a whisper of snowflakes against my cheek. And later I looked in the mirror and realized I had oreo dust all over my mouth.

Tis the season. Well, almost.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

That's Nuts

Hey there, remember me? I used to write a blog about food. I stopped for a while, because life got in the way, but I'm back. I make no apologies - and anyway my coworker ordered me not to apologize because it sounds kind of presumptious and condescending. I think he's right. But either way, I love writing about food and I'm glad to be doing it again. And if you missed me, even just a little, then that's okay. I missed you too.

I moved into a new apartment. It has a lot of light and industrial loft charm. Left unattended, I will browse Target and Ikea online for hours and squander every last penny of my paycheck on console tables and shelving. To make room for my new furniture buying habit, I'm resolving to spend less on food.

Henceforth I am getting myself back into the blogging spirit by reviewing foods you can buy at Trader Joe's. There you go, something else that you didn't need or ask for being provided to you at no cost on the internet.

Today's Review of a Food You Can Buy at Trader Joe's: Lime and Chile Mixed Nuts

Saturday night I had a couple of friends over for drinks, and when you do something like that you're supposed to provide little snacks too so nobody gets blitzed and vomits on your new bathmat. It just seems like good hostessing to provide food with booze.

How fun, I thought. Spicy nuts. Perfect food for having people over for drinks. Think again, amigos. This stuff is seriously spicy. Like, make you cough and sneeze spicy. Not a sexy party snack.

The heat creeps up on you. After the first handful you think, yes, I'll have another. Then you're hacking and looking around for a tissue box. There's also a lingering pine-sol after taste, and little flecks of what looks like wood shavings.

I'll be picking up the rosemary marcona almonds next time I'm at Joe's and leaving the spicy nuts on the shelf.