Review of a Food You Can Buy at Trader Joe's: Falafel chips

How many times have you thought, "Man I could really go for some falafel right now, but the prospect of finding some and/or cooking it is so unpleasant that I'll just forget it and finish this bag of Taco Doritos" ?

For us, Trader Joe's has cleverly presented falafel in chip form. The packaging is bright and appealing. The product is simple, un-messy, doesn't require that you subject yourself to the humiliation of picking up a to-go order from the mediterranean restaurant in your pajamas. Finally, falafel for lazy people.

Here's a revelation: Falafel chips taste just like falafel. Also, they're a little corny and salty, like a Frito. The chip is firm and doesn't yield as I scoop up globs of tzaziki. And man, I'd eat tzaziki by the spoonful if there wasn't anything within arm's length to use as a dipper. But thanks to TJ's, I've got a big sack of falafel chips by my side to sustain me. And just like Scarlett O'Hara, I'll never be without falafel again.

Review of a Food You Can Buy at Trader Joe's: Chili Spiced Mangos

Initially, I set out to review the lemon heart cookies. Because it's February, and they're cute, and there's a picture of my spirit animal Alice in Wonderland on the bag.

Forget that, they're not that good. Have you had the chili spiced dried mango slices? Let me just wipe off all of the orange chili powder from my fingers so I can write about how you should go buy some right now.

They have a quick, front-of-the-mouth burn, with a hit of smokiness. For me at least, it never crosses the line into unpleasantly spicy. It stays comfortably at the top end of my happy spicy range. And what's not to love about dried mango slices? These are of the plump/juicy variety, not all leathery like lesser dried mango slices. Those are gross.

I like them as an at-my-desk snack right around the time of my daily 3pm blood sugar I-hate-everything crash. The chili provides a great kick, wakes you right up out of your afternoon slump. Soon you'll be filing TPS reports like a boss.

Who Needs Martha?

I'm trying out a new thing. If there's something I want to do, and I'm feeling a little unsure, I just sign myself up to do it and I work out the details later. That's how I ended up hosting Soup Cinema #2. It's a fun and pretty self-explanatory project my friends TJ and Julie put together. Someone hosts and makes soup, someone brings a movie. As the newly minted owner of a 32” merry-Christmas-to-myself flat panel and with no actual DVD or Blu-ray player, I volunteered to host and figured I’d get it all worked out in time.

Also, I should mention, I have a Type A tendency to want everything to go perfectly when I host a party. How Type A am I? When I was seven I typed out a set of rules for my playroom on my little typewriter and posted them on the door. I hate to say that I haven’t made a lot of progress since then, especially when it comes to hostessing. I want to be Martha. Everything should be in its place, everything should look effortless. For every stray hors d’oeuvre toothpick there is a ready and waiting trash can; for every thirsty guest there is a clean piece of stemware and a wine chilled to the appropriate temperature.

Yeah right. What actually happens is I whip myself into a frenzy before party time. There’s never enough time, never enough clean knives. I exhaust my supply of cutting boards making just one pot of soup. There is shouting - at cookware, myself, a pet, a neighbor’s pet, anything close by. This time around, Jeff came early to lend a hand and he bore the brunt of my pre-party insanity. He bravely leapt into action, arranging carrots and celery, hauling my recycling to the trash room. TJ arrived soon after and supplied chairs, pillows and blankets, and of course, the movie.

Soup-wise, I made a ridiculously simple sweet potato chili. It's straightforward until you get to the very end and add a little orange peel. A little sweet-spicy, one-two combo. I like to serve it with sour cream to prevent it from seeming too healthy.

If you can, I encourage you to have a neighbor like my neighbor Chris. He arrived with homemade cookies and then made multiple trips back upstairs to get a power strip, extra spoons, crackers and more chairs. Julie brought a loaf of bread across state lines for the occasion. TJ came through in a big way with the movie, introducing it first with a multimedia presentation and finally presenting Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil as our feature.

As movie and soup nights go, I think this one was first-rate. You should watch Tucker and Dale if you like parody comedies and the whole Evil Dead thing. My still-newish apartment was filled with friendly faces. People were fed, laughs were had, and then we all went to the bar afterwards. I didn’t pull off a Martha-esque feat here, this was a collaboration. And isn't that more fun?

Review of a Food You Can Buy at Trader Joe's: Chewy Egg Nog Cookies

This time of year the little nutmeg shaker lives on my counter. I don't bother putting it away and getting it out again night after night. What a waste. In fact, I leave it right next to a bottle of rum, just so the two don't get lonely.

It's egg nog season. Try and describe egg nog to someone. It's hard to find any other adjective to describe it except that it's "noggy." And "creamy." And if you're doing it right, "boozy."

Trader Joe's is selling egg nog in cookie form. They're about the size of a Nilla Wafer (oh God I JUST NOW realize Nilla was short for 'vanilla'. The lie I have been living.) but they're soft with a drizzle of icing.

Not surprisingly, they taste noggy. There's a hint of spices, maybe some of that nutmeg, and the icing melts fast under your fingertips. I find it hard to eat less than five in one session. And that's okay, because they're tiny, and noggy, and it's the season, right?

Will the Real English Muffin Please Stand Up?

Like me, you probably grew up knowing an English Muffin as a small, bread-like substance with no observable similarities to an actual muffin. It's sold in a little rectangular box of six. It might have chewy little raisins, and if your mother was like mine and you were only ever allowed the low fat Pop Tarts, it might be whole wheat.

We've been lied to. Those things in the box at the grocery store? They aren't English Muffins. They're the bread cousin of hockey pucks. If you want to experience a real English Muffin, you're going to have to pay a visit to Blue Oven bakery. Even after they sell out of every other kind of glorious bread they haul to Findlay Market on a given Saturday morning, they're bound to have their English Muffins on hand.

The Slim Shady of English Muffins.

When you bring your muffin home and take it out of the bag, you'll think to yourself, "This can't possibly be an English Muffin. It looks too delicious and smells kind of like a donut." Stop wasting time asking questions, find your serrated knife, cut it in half and get it into your toaster pronto.

You will know your Blue Oven English Muffin is almost ready when it starts to sizzle. Ideally, you'll pull it out just before it catches on fire. Unless you have a very robust toaster, it won't actually "pop" when it's done because the muffin halves are too heavy. Yeah.

Remove your muffin and apply toppings. I'm partial to jam on one half and a fried egg on the other. It's crucial that the yolk soaks into the muffin properly, spilling through the internal nooks like rushing subterranean rivers.

It has a richness and mild sweetness and little pathways and tunnels running through it. It's dense and soft enough to soak up egg yolk, with a nice crust and crunch on the exterior. This, my friends, is an English Muffin worthy of its name.

Review of a Food You Can Buy at Trader Joe's: Candy Cane Joe Joes

When I'm ready to pay and leave Trader Joe's, I don't choose my lane based on the apparent speed and efficiency of the checkout clerk. I pick the one with the best free samples. And Trader Joe's does samples right. They don't give you a little sliver of a cookie, they just open a whole pacakge and let you have your way with it.

Let me preface my review by saying I'm just as much of a "Hey Christmas GTFO It's Not Thanksgiving Yet" person as you are. We need to celebrate one holiday at a time, blah blah blah. But when I was presented with a free Candy Cane Joe Joe at checkout, I forgot about my principles. Oreo cookie with candy cane IN IT! Put it in my mouth!


The peppermint chunks are small but potent. Eating a handful of candy cane Joe Joes is like having Oreos and brushing your teeth at the same time. You're left with a pleasant peppermint aftertaste and cookie crumbs in your gumline.

As I ate that first Candy Cane Joe, I actually heard the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack cue up. I heard sleigh bells, I felt a whisper of snowflakes against my cheek. And later I looked in the mirror and realized I had oreo dust all over my mouth.

Tis the season. Well, almost.

That's Nuts

Hey there, remember me? I used to write a blog about food. I stopped for a while, because life got in the way, but I'm back. I make no apologies - and anyway my coworker ordered me not to apologize because it sounds kind of presumptious and condescending. I think he's right. But either way, I love writing about food and I'm glad to be doing it again. And if you missed me, even just a little, then that's okay. I missed you too.

I moved into a new apartment. It has a lot of light and industrial loft charm. Left unattended, I will browse Target and Ikea online for hours and squander every last penny of my paycheck on console tables and shelving. To make room for my new furniture buying habit, I'm resolving to spend less on food.

Henceforth I am getting myself back into the blogging spirit by reviewing foods you can buy at Trader Joe's. There you go, something else that you didn't need or ask for being provided to you at no cost on the internet.

Today's Review of a Food You Can Buy at Trader Joe's: Lime and Chile Mixed Nuts

Saturday night I had a couple of friends over for drinks, and when you do something like that you're supposed to provide little snacks too so nobody gets blitzed and vomits on your new bathmat. It just seems like good hostessing to provide food with booze.

How fun, I thought. Spicy nuts. Perfect food for having people over for drinks. Think again, amigos. This stuff is seriously spicy. Like, make you cough and sneeze spicy. Not a sexy party snack.

The heat creeps up on you. After the first handful you think, yes, I'll have another. Then you're hacking and looking around for a tissue box. There's also a lingering pine-sol after taste, and little flecks of what looks like wood shavings.

I'll be picking up the rosemary marcona almonds next time I'm at Joe's and leaving the spicy nuts on the shelf.